September 11, 2007


Hypothetical situation: Say you really want to win the next America's Cup and so does a cracked-out billionaire drug lord. The crack-head gets all of his drug cartel friends together to try to push through a new set of boat specifications. They want to sail bigger boats so they can transport more drugs and push more pills. And you're trying to be nice about it, because you don't really want to open him up to a bunch of federal investigations and international penalties and drug rehab programs, right? So you just take him to court and say, hey, wait a sec. The honor and tradition and history of the America's Cup is on the line here. We can't allow this to happen. And then articles like this start appearing and the drug lord, who gets quoted while he's stoned, says that you've been "eliminated." Your lawyers tell you not to say anything about it. What would you do?

Well, I guess I'd say that I'd spend some more time in the MiG simulator to practice bombing drug lords in sail boats. And I'd probably also tell Ernesto Bertarelli to start taking his medication again, because he seems to be wigging out a little. And then I'd probably tell the world that I haven't been eliminated. I'd say that I'm only getting started. I'd say that I'm about to unleash hell on the dude, because I'm madder than a Frenchman stuck in the Grand Canyon without deodorant. And then I'd fire up the MiG and launch a Sidewinder missile with Ernesto Bertarelli's name on it.

But of course all of this is just hypothetical, and I'm not going to say anything except that I have no comment, because that's what my lawyers told me to say. Okay? I have no comment. You can quote me on that. Happy now?

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