September 7, 2007
Wanted: Individual wearing gorilla suit
Have a bit of bad news this afternoon. Oracle Homeland Security couldn't find any trace of the dart-board Larry-hater. No fingerprints. No footage on the security cameras. No tips. No real leads. Nada. Nothing. Except for this cell phone video footage captured by Karl Rove last night outside my house. Apparently some freak wearing a gorilla suit was wandering around in my garden. Not quite sure what to make of the whole thing, personally.
Listen, gorilla man or woman. Please give me a call. We'd like to ask you a few questions, okay? That's it. I'll even throw in a few free bananas if you call tonight. Deal?