September 16, 2007

AP reporters wig out a lot

You've probably already read Michael Liedtke's article about how I want to be paid for working at Oracle. If not, see here. Michael says that I gave myself "a fiscal 2007 pay package valued at $61.2 million and stock options [worth] nearly $182 million." And this is a really big deal to a guy like Michael, because he makes $15,000 a year working for the Associated Press. He also knows that anybody who's anybody in the Valley gets paid a salary of $1 per year and then gets a shitload of stock options. Except for Larry Ellison. According to Michael, I'm the Valley villain.

Listen, Michael. I know it probably never occurred to you that $250 million is chump change for a company like Oracle. And you probably don't know that I spend all of this $250 million on boats and planes and iPods and shit. But I do. It helps our economy, you dumb fuck. We're right on the brink of another great depression if you haven't noticed. If I only got $1 per year and then hoarded all of my money like Steve and Larry and Sergey do, our economy would tank and life as we know it would end forever. And you'd be out of a job, Mike. You wouldn't want that, would you? No? That's what I thought. So just let me do my thing, bro. Let the Larry Ellison Redistribution of Wealth Project (LEROWP) run its course and employ thousands of boat and plane and iPod assemblers worldwide. Let it fight inflation and protect our nation from subprime loans and peak oil. Think about it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

don't you light up your joints with a benjamin like saddam's freaky son used to do?