September 26, 2007

Shit for Brains wants a piece of Facebook

And he wants it bad. See here. He keeps calling Zuckerberg every hour, on the hour, and tacking a million dollars onto his bid for 5% of Facebook every time he calls. A reputable source told me this morning that Shit for Brains is not handling the stress well. Apparently he's gone off the deep end and is really, really freaking the Microturds out. He's graduated from throwing chairs to throwing desks. He also lets his tongue hang out of his mouth in meetings now, and he doesn't eat anything except Sloppy Joes and Frito pies in the cafeteria. And for some reason he keeps saying that Novell is going to beat Microsoft to the Facebook investment punch.

Look, this is what happens when you get Google-envy. I warned him. I said, Steve, don't buy stuff just because you think Google might be looking at it. You'll go insane. And he just laughed and said, oh yeah Larry, whatever. But did he listen to me? Did he even stop to think about what could happen to him and Microsoft? No, he did not. And now he's all panicked and shit. He's gone into fight or flight mode and he's going to do something stupid. I just know it. That's Shit for Brains for you, though.

Honestly, Zuckerberg is the real wild card at this point. Like a virgin who flirts with everybody and knows she's going to have to give it up someday soon, Zuckerburg is waiting for the perfect conditions and the right price. He wants the biggest bang for his bling. But believe me, this guy doesn't care who he sells out to. He's just in it for the girls and the press right now. But that period passes. You can only bang so many girls and be on so many magazine covers before the shit gets old. He's almost at the point where he just wants to get his money and get out. But he's being careful about it.

Naturally, we're taking advantage of the situation. We got one of our guys to talk about how Facebook is worth a lot more than SFB thinks it is and give a lot of crazy optical illusion examples to prove it. We even got him to put this at the bottom of his blog: "Disclaimer: All opinions expressed here are personal opinions of the author(s) and do not reflect opinions of Oracle or any other person/organziation." Listen, the dude's legit. You have my word. And you can quote him on the price he came up with for Facebook. Really.