August 16, 2007
You might work for Google if...
People tell you that you're doing really, really important work, but it seems completely useless and impractical. You'd rather ride a Segway around town than walk or drive. You use Macs, but they're all running FreeBSD instead of Mac OS X. You use Gimp instead of Photoshop. You'd rather program in Python all night than go to a movie with two or three beautiful women. MySQL is your God, not Oracle. You forget to wipe after you use the bathroom because you're too busy reading the stupid Google tip on the back of the stall door. You have a tattoo of Sergey Brin's head on your left buttcheek. You're constantly asking beautiful people if they want to "Google" with you. When people ask you how you're doing, you say "I'm feeling lucky." You really, truly, completely believe that you are one of the chosen ones and that nobody can stop you. You watched that Obama Girl video like 1,000 times but you still think Hillary Clinton is hot. You swim 20 miles everyday in one of those stationary swimming pools where you never actually move. You pull guns on people in Hummers who tailgate your Prius. You think everything I'm saying right now is stupid and immature, but you're laughing your fucking ass off because deep down you know it's true.
You really are sick and sad inside, you little gTurds.