So Steve calls...

Says he has to fly up to Redmond tomorrow to meet with Ballmer, and would I please provide a MiG escort? Because his Microsoft source says that last week Gates put a bounty on his head and passed out free anti-aircraft guns to all Microsoft employees. And now his mugshot and Gulfstream are on "Wanted: Dead or Alive" posters all around the Microsoft campus. People are even donning cammos and helmets in preparation for the big day tomorrow. So, please?

And I'm like, how many iPhones is this worth to you? He says, come on Larry, just do it, you frigtard. I tell him I want two truckloads of the 8GBs, and none of that refurbished shit. Oh, and I want that hot intern in Apple's marketing department to ride with me and moonlight as my administrative joint roller. Then he starts dropping the f-bomb, and I'm just like, do you know how much it costs to fly the MiG?

So, we have a deal. Time to load up the Sidewinder missiles and do a couple practice runs in the MiG simulator. It's bombs away tomorrow. Can't wait.