From: Larry Ellison < firstname.lastname@example.org >
To: All Oracle Employees
Subject: Welcome, Karl
Dear Oracle Employees,
As you may have heard, this morning Oracle interviewed Karl Rove, President Bush's former Deputy Chief of Staff. The interview was conducted by myself and Safra Catz. After talking at length with Mr. Rove and Mrs. Catz, I'm very pleased to announce that Mr. Rove has agreed to serve as Oracle Corporation's COF, or Chief Officer of FUD, starting September 4.
I understand that many of you have reservations about Mr. Rove's ethics, morals, and leadership abilities. Some individuals continue to insist on associating Mr. Rove with the Bush Administration, despite the fact that he left the White House on his own accord. However, after meeting Mr. Rove for the first time this morning, I can assure you that he is a man of utmost integrity, discipline, and honor -- indeed, a man who embodies the very essence of Oracle.
The decision to hire Mr. Rove is final, and is not open to discussion or interpretation. As we continue to blaze trails and tread into uncharted waters, I ask that you continue to trust the decisions made by Oracle executives. Now, more than ever, we need to continue innovating and creating more of the outstanding software Oracle is known for. With Mr. Rove's help, we can continue to raise the bar and, perhaps most importantly, win.
August 30, 2007
Welcome, Karl. Now go kick some ass.
Yes, I hired Turd Blossom this morning. The man's amazing. I mean, talk about a brilliant mind. He was nothing like what I expected, either. Safra had me all wigged out there for a while. Anyway, I just sent out this memo.