August 23, 2007

And they say acquisitions don't work

Look, I don't want to call anybody out here. But for all the douche bags and media turds and naysayers out there, I'd just like to point out that our little Hyperion experiment is moving right along. See here. I mean, just look at the market share we've gained. If that doesn't blow your blinders off, I don't know what will. Acquisitions work, people. Consolidation in the software industry is a good thing. Because, really. What sense does it make to have two perfectly good teams of engineers working on exactly the same thing?

Red Hat, you might be next. I'm in the market for a shitty operating system and I've always secretly liked you. Plus, you have JBoss. 'Nuff said.

1 comment:

diogenes said...

Who says acquisitions don't work? Where did you hear that drivel?

Acquisitions are the bread and butter of the shit sandwich called modern American business. Why come up with your own great ideas and forge your own market when you can just buy someone else's hard work and make major $pinoles doing it?

Nothing pleases me more than laying off a few thousand over paid Americant's - and moving the operation to the Philippines. I have a sticker on my Cessna that reads: "My children play with toys made by your kids." Child labor laws are the stupidest thing ever invented. So what if they lose some limbs in the process? Just think of the life lessons they are learning. These kids are making money AND learning to love America.

Globalization is gratifying - it is second only to destroying the environment. Whenever I fly anywhere in my Cessna I have two empty 737's follow me. There is nothing sweeter than knowing that you have just burned enough fuel to power the country you are visiting AND created a gaping hole in the ozone layer. Hell, I love global warming. The hotter it is, the more skin women show.

Let me just say, that I don't enjoy cold weather. Last winter, I had a few huge heating coils installed at my manor in New York. I heated a whole square mile to 80 degrees. I had to build a few new strip mines to get the coal to power the suckers - but it was worth it. You should have seen the looks on my neighbors faces - shoveling through 6 feet of snow laced with coal ash - while I was tanning it up with my crew of lovely ladies. That was fucking priceless.

You know what really pisses me off - the belief that money can't buy everything. That mastercard 'priceless' ad is bullshit. You know the one that goes:
"Bottle of chardonnay , $60.
A table, on the water in paris, $200. The look on your wife's face when you tell her you have aids - priceless. There are some things money can't buy..."

That ad is the stupidest commercial ever made. No wonder mastercard is only used by the homeless and dead people. Everyone knows money can buy everything. Happiness is cheap (You should see kids eyes light up when I hand them their first nickel for 60 hours worth of work). I have never come across anything I couldn't buy. I even bought the Declaration of Independence (I smoked half of it, and wiped my ass with the other half).

God, I love this country.