August 27, 2007
This is what happens when you're a butthead
First you go to college. You get drunk at freshmen toast, sleep with a couple hot co-eds, pledge the fraternity with the highest women to geek ratio, watch meteor showers while stoned on the roof of the SUB, and laugh at jock jokes so hard that beer comes out of your nose. Then you take a couple computer science classes and think, gee, I should create a music application and make some money. So you do that. But you get kinda bored, because what you really want to do is meet women and find out who's banging who in the dorms. Then you think, gee, I should create a website that lets people create profiles and link to other people and then I could make some serious payola. So you do that. And then, before you know it, you're in the New York Times and you're rubbing elbows with big wig venture capitalists. You drop out and start up. You have a fast car, strong entrepreneurial spirit, and a girl on each arm. Nobody can stop you now.
Look, Zucker. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you bet wrong. You fucked up. You refused to sell your cheap Friendster-imitation website for $1 billion, and now you're flushing your brand name down the toilet with all of these stupid developer applications. And no, you don't have a networking utility. What you have is a PHP/MySQL site that my cats could code blindfolded.
I can't believe I'm about to say this, but here goes. I'm willing to buy Facebook, Zucker. And I'm thinking $20 million is a fair price. Honestly, that's probably too much since you don't even run Oracle databases. But give me a call, bro. We'll talk.