August 27, 2007
Gurus gone wild
So I want to give our shareholders a little update on Kegs for Engineers and Gurus (K.E.G.). We're two or three weeks into this thing, and I think it's safe to say that it's been a smashing success. Employees have indicated on surveys that it's boosted their morale and confidence levels by at least 90%, and HR just told me this morning that no employees have resigned since we implemented the program. But it's also done much more than that. Revenue is through the roof, productivity is sky-high, women are making out in the halls, men are having an easier time meeting women, and we're succeeding at creating a true sense of community. We're one big happy family now. And this week we're going to start a wet blouse contest and give out special Oracle shot glasses that say: "Oracle: Feel the sting."
There have been some minor incidents. One of our sysadmins got crunk last week and unplugged a couple production servers. And apparently employees have been telling their friends about us, because now a lot of sorority girls are applying for jobs. They send us resumes written in crayon and come in here in pink tank-tops and flip-flops and they text their friends through the entire interview.
But honestly, the best part is watching Safra ride the mechanical bull. We just can't keep her off the thing.