August 25, 2007

Horn if you're honky


Was driving home from lunch at Buck's today and saw these Mexican Americans towing part of a Fucked Over Rebuilt Dodge with a cow. In Woodside. Like two blocks away from my house. Unbelievable. I took a picture of them (above) with my iPhone and then called my towing company and asked them to give these guys a lift. I said it looked like they really needed help, so would they please come quickly and tow half of a car and a cow? Yes, cow. And I told them not to worry about making the Mexican Americans pay -- just bill Larry Ellison.

And in case you're wondering, no, I'm not racist. In fact, Oracle's technical support department employs many Mexican Americans. And let me tell you, these people get very competitive compensation packages. They aren't paid minimum wage or anything like that. We pay them with top-of-the-line Oracle 10g clearance box sets. I'm not sure how many boxes they get per year or whatever. It's complicated. But it's also totally fair, in my opinion.

1 comment:

diogenes said...

I don't know Larry, I think you could have handled things a little differently.

My grandmother was the John Madden of life lessons - she taught me everything I know (the shit stick doesn't fall too far from the shit tree). Once, when she was driving (her 1955 Bentley S1, I might add), she passed a man carrying a huge load of wood on his back. She rolled down the window, backed up, and yelled: "shit is thicker than water." She then threw a can of spam at him - hitting him right in the forehead - knocking him out cold. The moral of the story is that it doesn't pay to do hard work. You just get fucked.

Thank god we can convince other people to do work for us. The trick is to first get them into debt - and keep them there. In the zero sum game called life, this is the best Win/Win scenario. Convince people that they will be happy if they buy some stupid shit, then make them borrow the money to pay it for it. For instance: a car; an education, a new shitertainment system. This 'investment' means that almost everyone in this country has to work - so we don't have to. Bloody brilliant. They win because they get their crappy shit that they think will make them happy - that they will be paying off for the rest of their lives; all the while - we are raking it in.

So in the case of those industrious Mexicans - I would have gone out there and offered them a loan to buy a truck. Then given them an underpaid job - to pay off that loan. That is called: "playing to win". Why play fair, when you are holding all the cards?