August 10, 2007

Paris Hilton, worst MiG passenger ever

So I tell her before we get in the cockpit that she needs to wear one of the little diapers I gave her. You know, because we're flying non-stop and refueling in the air. But does she listen to me? No, she does not. She says she can hold it. Right. Like hey, I'm Paris Hilton the millionaire princess skank who can hold it in for like 18 hours. Then she blames me when she tinkles in her seat. I'm like, say whatever you want Paris, but you're paying to have that cleaned up. And then she rolls me a joint with really shitty weed that's laced with something. I could feel myself wigging out a little, and honestly, I knew something was really wrong when I tried to land on that aircraft carrier. But that worked out alright. And I'll spare you the details of her puking while I was flying upside down over Jerusalem. Hey, we're here, right? We made it. "Shabot Shalom," as they say in Hebrew. Means happy Saturday.

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