August 29, 2007
I'm thinking about hiring Turd Blossom
I know what you're thinking, but just hear me out, okay? Sure, Karl Rove is one twisted fuck. But you've got to admit that the man is a master when it comes to creating mayhem. I mean, come on. T.B. practically wrote the book on FUD, smear campaigns, and completely destroying everything that stands in your path. That's how the dude works. He's like a frigging sidewinder missile. You just aim him, say the word, and he goes and takes care of the rest.
Anyway. So the guy calls me last night and says, Larry, I'm ready to jump into the private sector. I've been controlling the most powerful nation in the world for the past seven years, and now I want to help you fight Microsoft and MySQL and SAP. And I'm like, yeah? Yeah? Tell me more. And so he goes into this whole spiel about how the best defense is a good offense, and what Oracle really needs to do is start going after the competition. Like, reposition the losers and then pick one of our weakest competitors and endorse them. Maybe SAP, he says. Make people believe that they're the only other option out there and then napalm the SAP fucks. Point out how they're stealing Oracle's support patches. Show people how their shitty software doesn't scale. Then go in for the kill.
And I'm like Karl, buddy. Come in for an interview on Thursday at 6 AM sharp.
UPDATE: Just talked to Safra about the whole thing. She doesn't trust the guy. I sort of tuned her out after a while, but I think she was going on and on about Hillary. Hillary this, Hillary that, and hadn't I heard about the vast right wing conspiracy and how Karl Rove was a big part of that? Whatever. All I know is that Karl was so right about SAP. Their software really doesn't scale well.