August 17, 2007

Happy birthday to me

This is it, people. The big 63 is finally here. Old Larry is getting up there, but see if anybody can tell the difference. Melanie says I don't look a day over 35, and the good people at Oracle swear I'm somewhere around 27. And my sex life is positively red-hot. In fact, if anything, I've gotten better with age. I know I keep getting older, but the college freshman are still the same, and you better believe me when I tell you that cute co-eds still email me. Larry can still bring home the bacon, okay?

And I have two words for all of the people who said I would fail and do a faceplant in a big old pile of MySQL. Fuck you. I did it, and I did it all by myself. All of your stupid classes and books didn't mean anything. Your churches and your insults didn't stop me. And your silly little lawsuits didn't even phase me. I learned everything I needed to know on my own, without any help from anybody.

But, for some reason, I still feel the need to prove myself. I'm not quite there yet, you know? I'm not the richest man in the world, and I haven't beat Microsoft. I can't stop until I win, and I won't. Listen, the first 63 years were only the beginning, okay? I'm just getting started here, and I still have plenty of time to obliterate everybody.

So here's to me and my next 63 years. May they be full of happiness, women, and lots and lots of money. Happy birthday, Larry.

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