I just saved 7,532 houses

I think all of us have been touched by the fires burning outside Los Angeles and San Diego this week. In fact, I've lost a couple of my own properties down in Malibu. BTW, they're the same properties I wanted to tear down and rebuild, so it's no biggie. But listen. Just thinking about your entire home going up in smoke is enough to motivate anybody to help people in harm's way. I know if my Japanese gardens were on fire -- if all the azaleas and bamboo and Japanese maples and bonsai marijuana plants were going up in smoke -- I'd want somebody to come and help me. So I thought, what the heck? I told my aircraft guys to get in there and convert my C-130 into a tanker ASAP, and then I flew down to San Diego and doused some flames. I helped put out a fire or two, and then I went back and dropped a couple thousand Satanic Surfers CDs over Qualcomm Stadium.

I made a difference, which is more than most of you can say. I bet you lazy turds just sat in your leather armchairs and had the news about BEA Systems read to you by beautiful girls in bikinis while getting foot massages and facials. Am I right or am I right? Shame on you freaks.