CmdrTaco celebrates ten years of bashing Oracle

See here. We're actually sending CmdrTaco aka Rob Malda a big ass fruitcake to help him celebrate Slashdot's tenth birthday. Why not? Taco's given us one helluva ride. All of those "Oracle Sucks Ass" articles were priceless. Too bad it's all coming to an end. Now all I have to do is send out an email message to Oracle's 70,000 employees and ask them to digg this or that. And then, boom! It's up on Digg and we get like 45,000 unique visitors within two hours. Of course, as Taco himself points out in one of those well-duh moments, "Digg is not Slashdot." Of course it's not, Rob. Slashdot is you, dude. That's why it blows goats. And that's also why your Wired interview has that big "Reddit!" button at the bottom of the page and that link to "Digg Just Might Bury Slashdot." Time for a reality check, CmdrTurd. You're not going to float for much longer.

Kevin Rose: Digg now worth at least $1 billion

This website valuation stuff is getting out of hand. Now TechTV darling Kevin Rose says his script kiddie website called Digg is worth a cool $1 billion. According to Rose, Screech says Facebook is worth $10-$15 billion so Digg must be worth at least $1 billion. Never mind the fact that half of Digg's "registered users" submit one or two articles and then never come back. And never mind the fact that the other half of the registered users -- the ones who actually do use Digg -- are males under the age of 9 who have no purchasing power whatsoever. Their balls haven't dropped and they digg anything with the words "pwn" or "digg" or "Kevin Rose" in the title. But the fact that they digg stuff like that is a good thing according to Kevin. The web is growing up and tastes are changing and people are evolving. Don't you know? It's a new media thing. That is, until CBS or Rupert buys Digg. Then it will be an old media thing.

UPDATE: Kevin just called and thanked me for the plug. He said he's going to digg my blog in the hopes that somebody with a fat wallet will see this entry and give him a ring. He also wanted me to say that he'll throw in Revision3 and Pownce for another $3 billion. Um, yeah.

Throw up the horns, throw back a beer, and objectify women

That's what you do when you're Kevin Rose, because you own one of those Web 2.0 sites and you do whatever the fuck you want. You even have a podcast called Diggnation where you drink beer like there's no tomorrow. You set up a little camcorder in the crib and talk with Alex Albrecht AKA Dennis the Menace about what happened on CNN that week. To attract a crowd and keep yourself amused, you get really hot girls to dress up like maids and then bend over in front of the camera so everyone can see their undies. Oh, and you talk really slow and use dumbed down language for the millions of 9 year-olds watching your podcast. That's not really hard for you, because you're kind of like a 9 year-old yourself. Your balls never dropped. You can't grow facial hair. Your friends call you Numbnuts, and so does Larry Ellison.

And you know what? I have no problem with any of it. Diggnation gets Larry's red stamp of approval. Seriously. I wouldn't want anyone other than Numbnuts and Dennis the Menace instilling values like these in our 9 year-olds. So here's to you, boys. Hold those horns high and keep up the good work. Larry salutes you.