We're a little disappointed about Doris Lessing

My wife Melanie really thought she was going to win the Nobel Prize in Literature this year. Don't ask me why. I mean, all of her books have been out of print for years now. And even when they were still in print, the only people who read them were desperate stay-at-home-moms and gay men and horny teenage girls who kept vibrators under their mattresses. But she still thought she was going to win. I warned her. I told her she was cruising for a bruising. Before we got married I said, Melanie, only 11 women have won the Nobel Prize in Literature in 106 years. And she said that she knew that and she wasn't going to get her hopes up or anything. But did she listen to me? No, she did not. She started crying her eyes out last Friday when I was supposed to be closing the deal with BEA Systems. It sort of frigged everything up. Anyway, that's what I was this weekend -- a shoulder to cry on. You're jealous, I know.

Meet my Israeli welcoming committee

I'm sure by now you've read all about how I graciously donated a wheel barrel full of money to a little community center, and told people here that they need to innovate and go global. But the most exciting parts of my trip haven't even been documented yet. Like my beautiful Israeli welcoming committee. These young ladies (above) are the IDF's rapid response team for lonely little VIPs like me who visit their lovely nation. Let me tell you, Yarden and Nivit and Natalie really know how to party, and they've opened my eyes to a lot of great clubs and hangouts around the nation. Plus, they really know how to handle guns. 'Nuff said.

Completely off topic

And definitely not something I can relate to. The ladies know Larry's a love god. But it's still pretty funny. Thanks to the reader who sent this in. And happy hump day, eh?